We Should Be Folding Laundry

What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

If you had asked me that before last week, I wouldn’t have had a good answer for you.

But that was before last week.

We’ll get to lunch but first, I’ve got a really stupid story to share with you so settle in.

Last Monday was the first day of school ’round these parts and as a special treat, my daughter had asked if I could bring her a Sprite when I picked her up from school. So just before I left the house to go get her, I added some ice and Sprite to her thermos to keep it nice and cold because it’s about 120 degrees here.

I parked my car and started walking up the sidewalk which is right next to the car circle, thermos in hand (but not shaking or swinging it in any way).

The first bell rings and a stampede of children along with their parents trailing behind, is now moving past me back toward the parking lot. I’m smiling, saying hello, and (most importantly) not swinging or shaking the thermos in any way.

As you may remember, it was about 130 degrees outside. That kind of heat can make a girl really thirsty so I was glad to have had the foresight to fill a thermos with an icy cold drink and then not shaken it in any way.

I was feeling rather proud of myself as in one move, I returned the Principal’s wave and lifted the thermos to my face to have a drink. It’s a flip top so you push a button, the cap flips back, and the straw pops out. Only this time, in that one swift motion that I had done probably a thousand times, the contents of that thermos (which had not been shaken in any way) exploded in my face with more force than I would have ever guessed was logically possible from such a small container.

So there I was. Soaking wet, soda dripping from my face and hair, right next to the car circle full of cars infinity miles long, and the hundred or so kids seated on the ground waiting for their parents, and the parents standing around waiting for their kids to come out of class, and all the school staff who work the car circle.

Do you guys know what happens to soda when it gets on your skin and it’s 150 degrees out? It turns into a sticky mess, that’s what. Your hair gets crispy and your skin becomes both tacky and slimy at the same time.

Additionally, as if that weren’t enough, you become especially attractive to WASPS and other insects!

I can tell you for a fact that all it takes is one waft of your crispy hair and sticky skin and they go nuts. I’m pretty sure that one wasp in particular was in love because he kept hovering right in front of my face.

Ever had a wasp look you dead in your eyeball and then try repeatedly to land on your face? Were you aware that unlike cute little honeybees, wasps can sting you repeatedly?

It’s every bit as terrifying as you’re imagining it is.

I’ve been stung by wasps before but I’m not really interested in getting stung in the face, so I did the only thing I could think to do. The only thing that seemed logical in such a situation…

Full on Matrix style evasive maneuvers were now happening, in front of everyone.

I was ducking and weaving and swatting and my new pointy-ended BFF remained unphased. The cherry on the top of this story is that only the people closest to me could actually see the wasp. For everyone else, I was just a crispy headed, wet shirt wearing lunatic who was flailing about in public.

By this point Camryn had come out of class (what pride she must have felt upon seeing all this) so we started heading back towards our vehicle with that stupid wasp hovering in front of my face every step of the way.

Finally, the wasp left my face for just a moment to investigate Camryn’s floral print backpack that I was carrying. Maybe he was tired of all the swatting – who knows? So I did the next most logical thing I could think of and promptly flung my daughter’s backpack as far away from us as I could and watched it land in the grass where unbeknownst until way too late to me, several other wasps were congregating.

I immediately grabbed Cam’s hand and pulled her far enough away to be out of range of those wasps. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it because I don’t want her to panic every time she sees a bug but at the same time, getting stung by a wasp hurts. And her getting stung would have meant lots of screaming and crying and me carrying her and all of her stuff all the way to the front of the school to the nurse’s office in that heat.

No thank you.

And so we stood there. Waiting and watching that backpack just lying in the grass while car after car slowly drove by, each driver staring at me probably trying to figure out why I just threw my kid’s backpack in the grass and why we were now standing there staring at it. And also probably why my shirt was wet and my hair was slicked back and crispy.

After a few minutes, the wasps had all gone about their business elsewhere.

We retrieved her backpack and then drove straight home where I informed my husband that we had to move to another town immediately. Preferably to one with less wasps.

So there it is. My most embarrassing moment. I’d love to know yours. If you’re feeling brave, share it in the comments section below.

Completely changing direction, let’s talk lunch!

For lunch yesterday, Camryn had a few pancake muffins with extra maple syrup in a cute little container for dipping, a fruit salad, broccoli, cauliflower, and a cheese stick.

Maple Spice Pancake Muffins

adapted from Bakerella’s Mini Maple Chocolate Pancake Muffins

Tags: Easy Lunchboxes, Non-Sandwich Lunches